Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
