happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
