Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
