How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
