white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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