I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
