I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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