K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.