if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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