please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night