Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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  (201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg
  Replies (39) Good night (2939) Bad night (769)
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  (650): View more from California

  I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets

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  (650): I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets http://tfl.nu/bg6i
  Replies (28) Good night (4773) Bad night (2226)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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  (828): so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/xwig
  Replies (33) Good night (15151) Bad night (928)
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  (650): View more from California

  Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...

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  (650): Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day... http://tfl.nu/p3lj
  Replies (51) Good night (6711) Bad night (1169)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

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  (315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk
  Replies (13) Good night (5851) Bad night (1466)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...

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  (404): Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash... http://tfl.nu/kodu
  Replies (10) Good night (981) Bad night (4873)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...

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  (925): We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo... http://tfl.nu/7fya
  Replies (6) Good night (1011) Bad night (2359)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore

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  (440): Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore http://tfl.nu/9n7j
  Replies (5) Good night (2396) Bad night (845)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you

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  (586): I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you http://tfl.nu/0vyd
  Replies (4) Good night (1322) Bad night (444)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.

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  (608): On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke. http://tfl.nu/f19p
  Replies (18) Good night (3101) Bad night (577)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.

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  (208): I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw. http://tfl.nu/7hkg
  Replies (3) Good night (983) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.

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  (828): Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date. http://tfl.nu/q3v1
  Replies (4) Good night (664) Bad night (407)
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  (+35): View more from

  I have feelings that need drinking.

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  (+35): I have feelings that need drinking. http://tfl.nu/xiez
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.

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  (570): I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far. http://tfl.nu/jtyr
  Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone

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  (603): last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone http://tfl.nu/pux0
  Replies (1) Good night (726) Bad night (306)

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