Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?

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  (215): I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese. (717): Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days? http://tfl.nu/n2pa
  Replies (6) Good night (3473) Bad night (666)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart

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  (201): she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart http://tfl.nu/a2u7
  Replies (18) Good night (4505) Bad night (620)
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  (607): View more from New York

  just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.

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  (607): just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school. http://tfl.nu/1unl
  Replies (20) Good night (4433) Bad night (769)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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  (417): My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/opsu
  Replies (14) Good night (1075) Bad night (7781)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.

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  (651): She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can. http://tfl.nu/7y77
  Replies (9) Good night (3243) Bad night (956)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Trying to grind with crutches was not a success

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  (403): Trying to grind with crutches was not a success http://tfl.nu/guu3
  Replies (7) Good night (1706) Bad night (1269)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to have sex with him.

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  (703): I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress. (703): I want to have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/1wj3
  Replies (5) Good night (1322) Bad night (540)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.

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  (425): Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me. http://tfl.nu/5m5h
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion

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  (206): So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion http://tfl.nu/7dgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1445) Bad night (664)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned

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  (519): You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned http://tfl.nu/faec
  Replies (4) Good night (956) Bad night (391)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.

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  (503): Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you. http://tfl.nu/ee0n
  Replies (5) Good night (2205) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"

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  (212): I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy" http://tfl.nu/3mee
  Replies (3) Good night (1217) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT

  (1-585): View more from New York

  Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.

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  (585): we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT (1-585): Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink. http://tfl.nu/wawv
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina

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  (561): Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina http://tfl.nu/9ymq
  Replies (11) Good night (458) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife

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  (651): My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife http://tfl.nu/29ie
  Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (616)

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