We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!