Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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