I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My breasts were aching with rage.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
