her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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