About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
