Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
