hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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