I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
