chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
