I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
