I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
