He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
