YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
