So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
