Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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