If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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