Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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