you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
