my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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