He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
