Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
