I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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