I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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