I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
