I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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