She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
