so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
