my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
