is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
