Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
