I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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