This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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