Barsexuality is the new black.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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