it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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