How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
