so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
