Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
