Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
