Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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