he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
