I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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