Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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