omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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