I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
