she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
