those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
