having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
