Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
