Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize