Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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