NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
