Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
