he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Still dying that you shit outside
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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