I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
