how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
These tits shall not be calmed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
