remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
