Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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