It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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