dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
