You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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