At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
