real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
