pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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