That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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