just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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