I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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