the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
