Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
